I was gifted Kentucky Derby tickets at the last minute. This meant I had to do some desperate last minute shopping for Kentucky Derby-appropriate clothes. Which, hey, no problem. I can buy clothes like a pro when I need to. What I can’t do? Tie a bow tie. Literally never wore one in my life. At least one you tie yourself. The ones I wore to proms and my wedding were the ones you just latch in the back. God, I was foolish when I was young.
So, to the Internet! I watched several how-to-tie-your-bow tie videos but decided this one was the best. After all, if you’re gonna learn to tie a bow tie, having an old southern dude tell you how to do it — and to spend almost as much time in the video telling you what not to do, you jackass, than what to do — is the only way to go. Now, the results:
The tie in question:
Around the neck:
Cinch it up:
Then, form the first part of the bow:
Bring the long end back over the middle:
Annnnnndddd . . ,
Deal with it.
Got it perfect — or at least pretty close to perfect — on the first damn try. I mean, really, sometimes I’m so cool I amaze even myself.